Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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