We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
