he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
