Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
