My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
