I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
