he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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