i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
