Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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