I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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