your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
