a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize