I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
