apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
