I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
