I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize