You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he thought i was a dude.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
