I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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