I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
