so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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