The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
