its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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