can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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