i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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