Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
