shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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