Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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