home. puking in laundry basket.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
