who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
