Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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