i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
