Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
