I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize