a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
