FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
