you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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