White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
