1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
