i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
