I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
