i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
