wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
