I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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