Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
