Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
