I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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