Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Welp...herpes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
