I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
