the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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