If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
