My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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