The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
