I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
