I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
