i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
