Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
