let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
