well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
