yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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