There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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