the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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