Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
