I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
