Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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