dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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