Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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