just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Bring me that man meat
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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