cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
