It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?