I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??