how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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