Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...